


I Can't Tell You What I Learned From School (but i could tell you a story or two)

by RunawayDeviant



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy is in college still, Gen, I guess she wants a PhD, I have no idea what's happening with the POVs, The Author Regrets Nothing, This was supposed to be crack, Thor is like the big brother she never really wanted but got anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunawayDeviant/pseuds/RunawayDeviant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy gets into a pickle with some bullies. Thor convinces the Avengers to intervene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Tell You What I Learned From School (but i could tell you a story or two)

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance to anyone attending Harvard, Massachusetts; I have undoubtedly made mistakes but I am neither a student there nor even American and probably never will be. Again, I am sorry.

_Thor, do u know y ppl r mean?_

Thor took a moment to decipher the text before replying.

**_No, I do not. Some people are mean because they are hurt, but others are simply cruel. Why do you ask?_ **

_dicks in my class r asshats pickin on grl named Emily. im gonna go tell them off._

Thor nodded and smiled proudly.

**_Best of luck, dear Darcy!_ **

_thnks!   :)_

Thor turned back to the tablet that he had been trawling the Internet with. The little screen had thus far been a very useful tool in his quest to understand his hosts' world, and he enjoyed finding obscure memes that made his friends laugh when he used them at appropriate moments. Simply saying "May the Fourth be with you" had had both Clint and Tony crying tears of laughter.

His phone vibrated and he picked up the little communications device

_OmT one of them just ripped m bag n tore up my txtbook! fckn psycho!_

Thor frowned and a rumble of source-less thunder sounded outside.

**_Do you require assistance?_ **

_yeh, fckn cash to replace my txtbook. they're laghing but they dun now about my tser._

Thor took a moment to respond.

**_Call me if you require my help._ **

_will do big man._

* * *

 

Half an hour later the phone rang.

 _"So I just got suspended,"_ Darcy said flatly, sounding more unimpressed than upset. _"Apparently tasing a guy because he broke my stuff is not an appropriate response. They tried to suspend Emily too, but I told them she wasn't involved."_

A crack of lightning lit up the room; "I am on my way."

_"What? Thor, you don't have to-"_

Thor hung up, rising and calling Mjölnir to his hand. He then pocketed the phone, placed his hammer in the belt of the civilian attire he was wearing and marched towards the living room.

"Friends!" he cried when he arrived, "The Lady Darcy requires our aid!"

"Why, what's wrong?" Steve asked, standing from his place in one of the armchairs.

"She has been unjustly suspended from her place of learning. A great wrong has been committed against her and I require your help in righting it!"

"What happened, exactly?" Tony asked from the coffee machine.

"She defended a friend from those who sought to do her harm. They retaliated by destroying her property and she, in turn, defended herself with her taser."

Tony and Steve exchanged a look, and Thor knew instantly what they were going to say.

"I think she may have overreacted a bit, Thor," Steve said hesitantly, "She probably should have reported it to a teacher rather than zapping the guy."

"You said that they wrecked her stuff, right?" Clint asked from his spot in the ceiling, "What did they break?"

Thor looked up at where he guessed the man to be and replied; "They tore apart her bag and one of the books within."

"Oh hell no," Tony said, eyes narrowing, "Textbooks aren't fucking cheap, especially at Darcy's level. Also, if it's the bag I'm thinking of, Pepper and I bought that for her last Christmas; also not cheap. I hope whoever did it has ten grand lying around, 'cause they're gonna fucking need it when I'm done with them. JARVIS!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Get me a private jet to Massachusetts. I'm going lawsuit hunting."

"Right away, sir. Shall I arrange for Mr Hogan to be present to drive you to Harvard?"

"That'd be great, thanks."

"Tony-" Steve started, but Tony cut in.

"They attacked a girl, Steve. They took a girl's things and wrecked them, and when she tried to defend herself she got in trouble. This all started because she was protecting her friend from _bullies_ , Steve."

Steve pursed his lips, obviously fighting an internal battle before sighing; "Count me in."

"Lemme get my practise bow and quiver and I'll be right with you," Clint said, his voice already moving away.

"No harming civilians!" Steve reminded him.

"It's just for show, Cap, I promise," the ceiling replied.

Thor watched his team assemble with satisfaction; truly, they were not called the Avengers for nothing.

* * *

 

**_We are on route to Harvard._ **

_u and who else? N WHY!!?!?!??!?_

**_Myself, Clint, Steve, Tony and the good driver Happy. Natasha was sadly on a mission, while Bruce was out. We are coming to your aid._ **

_I ask again; y r u comin over?_

**_You have been treated unjustly by your institution; we seek to fix this._ **

_plz dont get me expelled_

**_We will endeavour not to._ **

* * *

 

An hour later saw them touch down in Boston, and forty minutes later they pulled up in front of Darcy's apartment building. Darcy stood in front of the building, watching them roll up in apparent horror.

"Why would you bring the _limo_?" she asked despairingly as they filed out, drawing odd looks and startled double-takes from passersby, "I'm trying to be incognito, guys; it's bad enough that you've decided to invade my uni in the first place!"

"It's nice to see you too, honey," Tony said, stepping forward and bestowing a grudgingly returned kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry about the limo, Darcy," Steve said giving her a quick hug, "We left so quickly that I didn't even think about it."

"Its fine," she grumbled as Clint offered his own hug. Thor stepped up and hugged her tightly before holding her by her shoulders at arm's length.

"Now then, tell us what has occurred."

"And show me the bag they broke," Tony added.

Darcy winced; "It was the [Hermès](http://usa.hermes.com/leather/bags-and-luggage/for-day/jypsiere/jypsiere-37-16173.html) one. Sorry, Tony."

"Don't worry, darling; I'm gonna buy you a better one _and_ upgrade your taser. But before that, we have to see just what they did and hear the whole story. Andele!"

Darcy sighed; "My stuff's in my room; come on."

One squishy elevator ride later saw the partial Avengers team enter Darcy's apartment, giving both her roommates heart attacks in the process. Once they were done fangasming, Darcy arranged her visitors around the kitchen table and fetched her broken belongings from her room.

"Good lord," Steve muttered, picking up the shredded book, "It looks like a bunch of dogs got at it.

"Did they attack this with scissors?" Tony asked, holding what had once been a seven thousand dollar messenger bag in his hands, "Were they carrying fucking secateurs?"

"One of them had a Swiss Army Knife. Still doesn't explain how he managed that. I would've been scared except between the Destroyer and Agent Scary teaching me how to kill a man twelve different ways with a pencil, I'm not really afraid of un-powered dickwads on the street anymore."

"Who's in charge of suspensions and stuff?" Tony asked, pulling the book over to himself and standing up with both broken articles in hand, "Nevermind, I'll get JARVIS to tell me while I go."

He shoved the broken bits of paper and leather under his arm and walked to the door, pulling out his phone as he went. He opened the door, ignoring both Darcy and Steve when they tried to call him back, and it shut behind him with a final "thud!".

"Well, I guess that means it's up to the rest of us to go rough up the assholes who messed up your things," Clint said, smirking slightly.

"You can't shoot them," Darcy said bluntly.

Clint raised his hands defensively; "The bow and arrows are for show. I promise not to shoot unless they shoot first."

"You better not. I'll tell Natasha."

"Do you know where they are, Darcy?" Thor asked, ignoring Clint's flinch.

"Probably Harvard Square," she shrugged, "I don't go there unless I have to, but I know a lot of students tend to loiter there."

"To Harvard Square, then!" he said, standing and heading for the door as well. Darcy sighed and got up to follow him, Clint and Steve trailing behind her.

One of her roommates turned to the other once they were all gone, still looking slightly shell-shocked; "Did you know that she knew the Avengers?" he asked.

"No," the other replied, "Holy crap."

"Yeah."

* * *

 

"There they are," Darcy said, pointing at a group of young men perched on the edge of a garden, "The blonde one's the one with the knife."

"I will keep that in mind," Thor said darkly, undoing his plaid over shirt to display the black muscle shirt beneath. He handed it to Darcy, who shot him a look but obligingly tied it around her waist. Mjölnir glimmered faintly in the sunlight. Steve adjusted his shield, concealed in a cymbal case, on his back. Clint snapped his bow to full size. People nearby stared. The Avengers strode forward.

* * *

 

"Oh my god!" one of the men said when he caught sight of them, "Are those the fucking Avengers?"

"Where're the rest of them?" another murmured, looking around.

"Yeah, I wanna see if the Black Widow's tits are really as perky as they look."

Clint's eyebrows pinched together in a menacing frown as they guffawed. Thor's eyes were locked on the crude drawing of Mjölnir that graced one of their shirts.

"Are they... um, are they coming towards _us_?"

"No way, we haven't done anything!"

"Oh, but you have," said a voice from behind and above them. A decimated book and the remnants of a bag fell in front of them, and they turned around the see Tony Stark standing in the ledge they'd been leaning against.

"Wha- you're fucking kidding me!"

"I assure you, we are not," Thor rumbled, making half of them turn back, "You have assaulted one of ours, and for that you will be punished."

"You can't- we're just normal guys, man!" the blonde with the knife protested, going to back up before realising that there was an Avenger behind them too. The group had now formed a huddle, looking rather like scared sheep.

"You would attack a couple of ladies and destroy one's property and you expect us to show you mercy because you're weaker than us?" Captain America asked, voice stern, "Didn't you ever get taught to treat people how you'd want to be treated, or is that too old fashioned?"

"Even _I_ know that one, Cap," Stark piped up.

"Oh god, please don’t hurt us," one of them begged, already on his knees.

"Pathetic," Hawkeye spat, retracting his bow, "As if we'd waste our energy on you. But I swear to god, if we hear you've been causing trouble for anyone we will come back and I will personally stick an arrow up your-"

"Hawkeye!" Cap snapped.

"... You can imagine the rest."

Tony jumped down from the ledge and stood with his team; "Consider yourselves suspended by the way," he said cheerfully, "Have a nice day!"

With that they turned on their heels and strode away, towing a thoroughly exasperated Darcy with them.

What was left behind was a quivering mass of twenty-somethings, thoroughly cowed by Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and a crowd of still somewhat-stunned onlookers.

* * *

 

_thnks fr th help thunderbutt. my entire campus nows im in w/ th Avengers now._

**_You are welcome, Darcy._ **

_tht was sarcasm_

**_I know._ **

_ur a butt_

**_You have made that clear over the last week._ **

_i bet fury was furious_

**_Indeed he was, but he was unable to do anything as we had already done the deed._ **

_i may never forgive you_

**_Nevertheless, I shall not be made to regret what I have done._ **

_but srsly, thanks fr th assist. and thnk Tony fr the new bag._

**_Of course._ **

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed the link, the messenger bag that got wrecked was this pretty lil' thing by Hermès [here](http://usa.hermes.com/leather/bags-and-luggage/for-day/jypsiere/jypsiere-37-16173.html) , which is indeed more than seven thousand dollars.  
> Sorry again to any Harvard students; I undoubtedly screwed up somewhere.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
